Feeling left out, angry, and coping!

In the last 6 months I have felt like EVERYONE and their dog was announcing they are pregnant. It has been SUPER HARD on me, for many reasons. I had been handling it alright until June, when I had a major break down and went into a slight depression over the whole issue of when to have a baby.
I would get mad at people who couldn't keep their mouths shut about how they just found out, or how they were not sure they wanted a baby yet, or better yet the 'It was an accident!'. I tried to busy myself with projects and a much need long vacation away.
Things got much better, especially when we finally decided we were ready, but had to wait until school started! Then came the 'slap in the face'... My brother, who he and his wife had to move in with my parents for various reasons, announced of FACEBOOK, they are expecting! Yes! On facebook, not in a phone call to his family. They had just taking the home pregnancy tests and were 'so excited, we weren't thinking'!!!
I wanted to jump through the computer and punch his wife in the stomach, I still do but more of a b**** slap for being so stupid!
This last weekend I went to Oly, to see some friends and to go blueberry picking with my sister, as with our tradition since she started high school.  I was so made about the whole situation that I refused to stay at the house for longer than and hour because I couldn't handle running into them. Mainly because I, was to tempted to do something irrational. Now my brother thinks I hate him, and I do, to a point, but it really does hurt to find out your sister-in-law is pregnant over facebook, especially when you have been off birth control since January and 'flying by the seat of your pants' since March. But I am more mad at his wife for being stupid enough to want a baby while they are living with my parents!

But in the last few days, I have been able to see that I am coping and moving on! Which is HUGE for me! (Brody is just really glad I didn't get sucked into another depression with the news, me too! Our house can not handle me not cleaning for an undisclosed amount of time...) I noticed that when I saw my friends announcement on facebook of he and his wife excepting, I was excited. I have also been frantically knitting and making hats for all the people I know expecting. Although, I am feeling a little over whelmed by the sheer number of people I know who are having babies, or just had! Last time I looked my list was 24 or so... Well I guess I better get back to my hat making!

Vacation!

I was FINALLY able to take a nice long VACATION! I do not remember the last vacation I took. I guess six years of college will do that!

This year I decided to take one. I was heading to Dallas, TX for a convention for work (Which was REMARKABLE!! I LOVE MY JOB!!!) Since, I was headed south I decided to see my Grandparents (my mom's parents) for a few days. I wish to be able to do that yearly now! They are so great! My Poppa took me to the 'new' river walk in San Antonio. We had a great time walking around and riding on the river. We also went up into The Tower of the America's and had lunch. I have lots of pictures, but this post isn't about pictures. It is about what I learned on vacation.

Being away from home and worries about life, opened my eyes to some trees I couldn't see through the forest.

I have the BEST Husband EVER

Fort Walton Beach has not changed in 12 years...

Some people are just rude as sin!

Some people are nice as pie!

My mom needs to tell us more about her childhood

My Poppa still believes!

Some people are blinded by love

When sealing/closing a water bottle at a low pressure (sea level) and opening at a high pressure (not sea level or on a plane...) will lead you spraying your self and the person asleep next to you on the plane...

Getting picked up from the airport by some one in full police uniform it REALLY fun! Especially when it is a cousin you haven't seen in years!

Traveling alone with 2 heavy carry on's is HORRIBLE!

I hate automated toilets, faucets, and towel dispensers!

Try to save $100 and not checking any bags was NOT worth my SANITY!

You shouldn't try to shift an automatic while trying to pass... as if you were driving a manual...

Some people should not have offspring

Some people should worry less about their children

Some people should have thought more about the changes procreating would create...

I do not like long flights in bad weather.

I HATE airport security.

I actually like small towns!

My Husband is THE BEST husband EVER!!!

So vacation was good, but I am glad to be home!

Summer Reading!

I recently got a job as a nanny, where we go to the library one day and I read a TON of children books. That is all I do basically, oh and change diapers.... But when the kidos are asleep I can do almost what ever I want (well after tidying the front room and play room). Since I am done with school I thought maybe I could start reading some books out of my own free will and choice, not because I am going to be tested on it. Having just finished my first book of the summer yesterday, I decided to read more of, if not all, of the books on our bookshelf that I have not read or have started but never finished. So here is my list:

Catch-22 by Joseph Heller
Three Weeks with My Brother by Nicholas Sparks
The Last Song by Nicholas Sparks
Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey
The Wrong Stuff by Phil Scott
Supersonic Saints Compiled by John Bythway
Famous First Flights That Changed History by Lowell Thomas and Lowell Thomas Jr.
The Flyers by Noah Adam

It isn't too long but I already started a new one today, but then decided not to finish it because it was about this women who is trying to decided whether or not to leave her husband... I guess I should have read the back before I got it...

Blogs!

This is just an FYI post... I have a craft blog and a rant blog. Feel free to follow if you wish. I have also updated my craft blog recently!

Cheers!

Inadequacies

For the last couple of weeks I have been feeling inadequate in everything. I started listing to B about all of them. I will list a few here; I could list forever, but let’s not make me look horrible!

This I do not do on a regular basis which, make me feel inadequate:

Dishes

Laundry

Dusting

General tidying

Cleaning the bathroom

Cleaning up after dinner

Folding laundry

Cooking

Exercising

Active participation in activities

B tried to help me feel better by telling me about all that I really do. It didn’t help much. So then he tried to compare me, like I have been doing, to others, but of course that didn’t work.

Then we went to church, and I was able to see a lot the people I have been comparing myself to and it made me feel like I needed to make all these changes to fit in with the ‘crowd’. But WHY do I have to change? Why do I feel like I need to make all kinds of changes? What is so wrong with me not being perfect?

NOTHING!

Absolutely nothing!

I do a lot, and my good friend pointed it out to me. We became friends my sophomore year of college when we lived on the same floor. She was the only one who was honest and truly a friend as my boyfriend was breaking up with me and started to hang out with, and eventually was dating her.  We fell out of contact for a while, I was finding myself and started going back to church, and she was finding herself. It wasn’t until after I was married did we really get in to contact with one another again.

She came over the other day, we were supposed to sew a dress, but just ended up talking. We started talking about friends and how we have friends and then those who we are ‘friends’ with but we can’t stand them, but they are friends with our good friends so we put up with it.

Then she says this, “You know why we are still friends? It is because you didn’t change.” She went on to explain, how on the floor I was the one people went to for help, whether homework or other and how I still do things like that. How I am always willing to help others, and how my craft stash, has a ton of projects for me, but how I am always working on something for someone else.

Little did she know that is what I needed. I needed someone to tell me everything that I know. I don’t need to become one of those women who have immaculate house, has two kids with a bun in the oven, or the perfect body. I do the best that I can. I have been working so that B can go to school full time, and so that we will be able afford it. I might to have the perfect house or everything that some of the others might have, but I am happy, and that is what matters.

25 by 25 revisit!

Well, it has been 4 months since I posted my 25 by 25 list. I thought I would take a moment to reflect on it and maybe change a few things to be more realistic!

25 by 25

1. Lose 50 lbs--well this semester was harsh and I am back to where I was when I started, but I am still going to do it!
2. Graduate--DONE!!
3. Finish 4 of the 12 knitting/crocheting projects I have started... um... ya...
4. Publish a research paper--I don't know if this is possible, but I will try. Not being in school is going to make it harder...
5. Go 10 days with out spending any money-- I need to track this one, I am sure I have done it though...
6. Go on a date with Brody once a month (4/12)--This one is easy!
7. Read my scriptures more regularly
8. Run a 5K in 30 minutes (in Nov I did one in 46 mins, March 47...)
9. Work out 3 times a week for 10 weeks straight--I am really good at working out once a week...
10. Attend the temple 10 times (1/10)--I need to be more committed to this and my scriptures
11. Have 100% visiting teach for the year (5/12)
12. Organize and keep organized my office--work in progress...
13. Take a box to Goodwill monthly (0/12)--um... We decided to have a garage sale instead...
14. Save $1500 (have $1500 in savings)
15. Deep clean the kitchen bi-monthly (0/6)--I hate cleaning the kitchen, but I love to bake...
16. Dust monthly (it is so dusty in Pullman!!) 
17. Finish Tree of Life afghan
18. Make a habit of getting up and out of bed for the day with the first alarm
19. Have a baby/get pregnant
20. Ski a Black slope (currently a moderate blue skier)
21. Put pictures in our picture frames--This one is going well! I only have 5 left!
22. Finish our wedding/honeymoon/anniversaries scrapbook
23. Keep the living/family room clean for a month--On the 7 of June this is done!
24. Keep a weekly journal--I should probably get a journal...
25. Kiss and tell Brody I love him, and a reason why DAILY--A lot harder than it sounds

Well, honestly I thought I would have completed more... But I have realigned my priorities and maybe in the next 4 months will cross off more!!

I thought it would be nice to post a post on what it is I have been doing with my life for my last 6 years in school... Then I realized I hadn't really done much, but some of the stuff I have done in my last semester is interesting, to me at least.

All students who want to graduate from WSU with a BS in Material Science and Engineering MUST complete a Senior Thesis project. We get to chose and advisor, a project, and then are let loose to figure it out on our own. I choose to work for my current advisor, and he asked if I was interesting in participating in the new big thing with Magnesium. Now, you all think Magnesium (Mg) is a highly volatile metal, and well it is. I caught some on fire, which is actually hard to do when it is solid....

My research goal was to increase the ductility, or to make it more malleable. I did not achieve that goal. It is the big new thing people want to replace Aluminum with Mg because it will decrease weight, and save fuel, and use consumers money! It is really hard to improve the ductility of Mg, which why it is the bug deal it is.

I though I would include some of the images and tell you about them. I like to talk about what I do, but it is a specific thing and I have a hard time explain it.

This image above is the internal structure of the as-received magnesium specimen I was working with. The different colors correspond to different grains, kind of like the grains in a piece of wood. The colors also signify which way the grain is oriented.

 This image is of one of the specimens after I completed my experiment. You can see that it looks very different from the previous one. There are different grains but they are all oriented the same way, and the grains are a lot smaller here. The orientation of this piece is good and bad. My experiment failed to do what I had planned but interesting phenomena was recorded, and new things about magnesium was learned.