In the last 6 months I have felt like EVERYONE and their dog was announcing they are pregnant. It has been SUPER HARD on me, for many reasons. I had been handling it alright until June, when I had a major break down and went into a slight depression over the whole issue of when to have a baby.
I would get mad at people who couldn't keep their mouths shut about how they just found out, or how they were not sure they wanted a baby yet, or better yet the 'It was an accident!'. I tried to busy myself with projects and a much need long vacation away.
Things got much better, especially when we finally decided we were ready, but had to wait until school started! Then came the 'slap in the face'... My brother, who he and his wife had to move in with my parents for various reasons, announced of FACEBOOK, they are expecting! Yes! On facebook, not in a phone call to his family. They had just taking the home pregnancy tests and were 'so excited, we weren't thinking'!!!
I wanted to jump through the computer and punch his wife in the stomach, I still do but more of a b**** slap for being so stupid!
This last weekend I went to Oly, to see some friends and to go blueberry picking with my sister, as with our tradition since she started high school. I was so made about the whole situation that I refused to stay at the house for longer than and hour because I couldn't handle running into them. Mainly because I, was to tempted to do something irrational. Now my brother thinks I hate him, and I do, to a point, but it really does hurt to find out your sister-in-law is pregnant over facebook, especially when you have been off birth control since January and 'flying by the seat of your pants' since March. But I am more mad at his wife for being stupid enough to want a baby while they are living with my parents!
But in the last few days, I have been able to see that I am coping and moving on! Which is HUGE for me! (Brody is just really glad I didn't get sucked into another depression with the news, me too! Our house can not handle me not cleaning for an undisclosed amount of time...) I noticed that when I saw my friends announcement on facebook of he and his wife excepting, I was excited. I have also been frantically knitting and making hats for all the people I know expecting. Although, I am feeling a little over whelmed by the sheer number of people I know who are having babies, or just had! Last time I looked my list was 24 or so... Well I guess I better get back to my hat making!
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Oh Ashley! It must be so hard for you. You are going to be a great mother when your time comes! I'm sure you've heard it a million times before, but God works in mysterious ways.
ReplyDeleteI have been right where you are, it took us 1.5 years to get Matthew, it can be agonizing to watch everyone around you make it look so easy. The timing worked out way better for us when he finally did come. I always had the hardest time when people who shouldn't be having a baby were and I couldn't. It all does work out if you ever need to talk I am one who can understand the anger and frustration :)
ReplyDeleteWhile I don't know exactly how you feel Ashley, I think it is important to remember that everything is on the Lord's timing. Your family and other people's families. It may not be an 'ideal' time to have a baby, but sometimes, Heavenly Father has other plans. So, even if you are poor or living at your parents or whatever, if Heavenly Father commands, you do what He says.
ReplyDeleteMy sister in law struggled with this as well and when she finally did get pregnant, she had a real testimony of this principal. Heavenly Father knew better then she did. I'm sure he has something wonderful in store for you too Ashley! Just remember, Heavenly Father isn't withholding blessings from you, He's simply going to give them to you in the way He wants and the time He wants!